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1// Copyright (C) 2001-2003, International Business Machines
2// Corporation and others. All Rights Reserved.
3//
4// root.txt
5//
6// root resource file for ufortune.
7// This data will be used as a fall-back if no other resource bundle
8// matches the requested locale.
9//
10
11// ufortune has three resources
12// usage - the usage string to display if there's a command line error
13// or in response to -? or --help.
14// optionMessage - the error text to display in response to an unrecognized
15// option on the command line.
16// fortunes - An array of strings, the fortune messages.
17//
18
19root {
20
21 usage {"usage: ufortune [-v] [-l locale]"}
22 optionMessage {"unrecognized command line option:"}
23
24
25//
26// These fortune messages are from BSD fortune data files.
27
28 fortunes {
29
30
31"186,282 miles per second:
32
33It isn't just a good idea, it's the law!",
34
35"2180, U.S. History question:
36 What 20th Century U.S. President was almost impeached and what
37office did he later hold?",
38
39"$3,000,000",
40
41"355/113 -- Not the famous irrational number PI, but an incredible
42simulation!\"",
43
44"3 syncs represent the trinity - init, the child and the eternal zombie
45process. In doing 3, you're paying homage to each and I think such
46traditions are important in this shallow, mercurial business we find
47ourselves in.
48 -- Jordan K. Hubbard",
49
50"43rd Law of Computing:
51 Anything that can go wr
52fortune: Segmentation violation -- Core dumped",
53
54"7:30, Channel 5: The Bionic Dog (Action/Adventure)
55 The Bionic Dog drinks too much and kicks over the National
56 Redwood Forest.",
57
58"7:30, Channel 5: The Bionic Dog (Action/Adventure)
59 The Bionic Dog gets a hormonal short-circuit and violates the
60 Mann Act with an interstate Greyhound bus.",
61
62"99 blocks of crud on the disk,
6399 blocks of crud!
64You patch a bug, and dump it again:
65100 blocks of crud on the disk!
66
67100 blocks of crud on the disk,
68100 blocks of crud!
69You patch a bug, and dump it again:
70101 blocks of crud on the disk! ...",
71
72"A \"No\" uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than a
73\"Yes\" merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble.
74 -- Mahatma Ghandi",
75
76"A [golf] ball hitting a tree shall be deemed not to have hit the tree.
77Hitting a tree is simply bad luck and has no place in a scientific
78game. The player should estimate the distance the ball would have
79traveled if it had not hit the tree and play the ball from there,
80preferably atop a nice firm tuft of grass.
81 -- Donald A. Metz",
82
83"A [golf] ball sliced or hooked into the rough shall be lifted and
84placed in the fairway at a point equal to the distance it carried or
85rolled into the rough. Such veering right or left frequently results
86from friction between the face of the club and the cover of the ball
87and the player should not be penalized for the erratic behavior of the
88ball resulting from such uncontrollable physical
89phenomena.
90 -- Donald A. Metz",
91
92"A baby is an alimentary canal with a loud voice at one end and no
93responsibility at the other.",
94
95"A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on.
96 -- Carl Sandburg",
97
98"A bachelor is a selfish, undeserving guy who has cheated some woman out
99of a divorce.
100 -- Don Quinn",
101
102"A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining
103and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
104 -- Mark Twain",
105
106"A billion here, a couple of billion there -- first thing you know it
107adds up to be real money.
108 -- Senator Everett McKinley Dirksen",
109
110"A bird in the bush usually has a friend in there with him.",
111
112"A bird in the hand is worth what it will bring.",
113
114"A bird in the hand makes it awfully hard to blow your nose.",
115
116"... A booming voice says, \"Wrong, cretin!\", and you notice that you
117have turned into a pile of dust.",
118
119"A bore is someone who persists in holding his own views after we have
120enlightened him with ours.",
121
122"A budget is just a method of worrying before you spend money, as well
123as afterward.",
124
125"A candidate is a person who gets money from the rich and votes from the
126poor to protect them from each other.",
127
128"A celebrity is a person who is known for his well-knownness.",
129
130"A child can go only so far in life without potty training. It is not
131mere coincidence that six of the last seven presidents were potty
132trained, not to mention nearly half of the nation's state legislators.
133 -- Dave Barry",
134
135"A child of five could understand this! Fetch me a child of five.",
136
137"A chubby man with a white beard and a red suit will approach you soon.
138Avoid him. He's a Commie.",
139
140"A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but
141won't cross the street to vote in a national election.
142 -- Bill Vaughan",
143
144"A city is a large community where people are lonesome together
145 -- Herbert Prochnow",
146
147"A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody
148wants to read.
149 -- Mark Twain",
150
151"A closed mouth gathers no foot.",
152
153"A computer, to print out a fact,
154Will divide, multiply, and subtract.
155 But this output can be
156 No more than debris,
157If the input was short of exact.
158 -- Gigo",
159
160"A conclusion is simply the place where someone got tired of thinking.",
161
162"A CONS is an object which cares.
163 -- Bernie Greenberg.",
164
165"A consultant is a person who borrows your watch, tells you what time it
166is, pockets the watch, and sends you a bill for it.",
167
168"A continuing flow of paper is sufficient to continue the flow of paper.
169 -- Dyer",
170
171"A copy of the universe is not what is required of art; one of the
172damned things is ample.
173 -- Rebecca West",
174
175"A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.
176 -- Ben Franklin",
177
178"A crusader's wife slipped from the garrison
179And had an affair with a Saracen.
180 She was not oversexed,
181 Or jealous or vexed,
182She just wanted to make a comparison.",
183
184"A cynic is a person searching for an honest man, with a stolen
185lantern.
186 -- Edgar A. Shoaff",
187
188"A day for firm decisions!!!!! Or is it?",
189
190"A day without sunshine is like night.",
191
192"A diplomat is a man who can convince his wife she'd look stout in a fur
193coat.",
194
195"A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that
196you will look forward to the trip.",
197
198" A disciple of another sect once came to Drescher as he was
199eating his morning meal. \"I would like to give you this personality
200test\", said the outsider, \"because I want you to be happy.\"
201 Drescher took the paper that was offered him and put it into
202the toaster -- \"I wish the toaster to be happy too\".",
203
204"A diva who specializes in risque arias is an off-coloratura soprano ...",
205
206" A doctor, an architect, and a computer scientist were arguing
207about whose profession was the oldest. In the course of their
208arguments, they got all the way back to the Garden of Eden, whereupon
209the doctor said, \"The medical profession is clearly the oldest, because
210Eve was made from Adam's rib, as the story goes, and that was a simply
211incredible surgical feat.\" "
212 }
213}